Beach

---

An eerie mirror, the glass-quiet Sea of Azov: the clear waters stretch along the dark-pebbled shores, and along this narrow beach. Here the faintest lap of waves belies the calm beyond; here the rocks have been ground down into finest, softest sand - those observant would mark upon the similarity between it and the sands of the hatching grounds. The soft sand soaks up summer sunlight as a sponge; painfully hot during the warmer months, it is only truly pleasant at wintertime. Rocks rise to east and west, lichen-limned and green against the abyssal darkness of stone.

It is the twenty-fifth day of Spring and 80 degrees. It is a bright, sunny day.

---

It's gotten to be warm enough out that spending time on the Hatching Sands is something that quickly becomes oppressive. Fortunately, that also means that it's the time of Turn that being outside is pleasant and mostly dry, so Amani - with Zymuraith's leave - is taking advantage of the fact. Clad in a scarlet and gold two-piece with a matching sarong, the young Senior sits on the strand, just close enough for the water to roll in and lap at her feet. Just some quiet and cooler air to be taken in before lunch and a return to the Sands are in order.

Evka seems to be of similar mind, and can be found strolling down the beach barefoot, a towel slung over her shoulder atop her rucksack. Swimwear is something she's found a liking for since her move to Southern Weyr. So, she's comfortable, in a one piece and a sarong wrap, both in deep orange. Hair unbound, it trails behind her on a light breeze. Up above, Saetyroith glides silently, a sentinel to his rider, who seems to be seeking solice in solitude. This isn't to last for long though. «Amani is near…» The sweet scent of wine tickles Evka's senses, and she looks up, eyes searching until they land on the young Weyrwoman. When she's close enough, she'll announce herself and fold herself down next to her friend. "Good morning." Eyes move to look out on the water, toes wiggling when the water laps at them.

Zymuraith isn't nearby to give Amani any such warning, of course, so the goldrider glances up to find Evka approaching when the other woman is only a handful of strides away. "Morning, Rev! Good to see you out and about," she greets, watching as the brownrider comes to sit next to her. As she usually does, she's trying to discern her friend's state at the moment, something that's become a bit of a habit. But she's here, swimsuit and all, so that's a good sign, at least.

Evka's lips pull up in a short smile, a breathy chuckle leaving her lips. "Yeah, well, one can only swelter indoors for so long." She pulls her knees up and wraps her arms around them, laying her head on them and turning to see Amani. "And it's a beautiful day. A swim sounded nice." A disgruntled snort from Saetyroith seems to disagree with Evka's words and for a second, she gives a loving glare in the brown's direction. "I assume you're taking a break from the sands for the same reason?" Things being too hot that is.

"Ugh. Yes," Amani readily and ruefully answers Evka's last with a chuckle. "At least we're not in the middle of summer, but it doesn't take much for the Sands to get unbearable. I'm glad Zymuraith doesn't need me to be there every moment." The goldrider glances to Saetyroith bemusedly, having heard that snort. "What's he being contrary about? He doesn't like the weather?"

Evka looks over to her brown with an amused smile and a bit of unease in her eyes. "He's probably still mad at me…It won't last long, he'll forget soon enough. But I pulled him away from his latest conquest, in a bit of a hurry I might add." Visions of her awkward hug with Xanthee and her fleeing Igen awkwardly pass through her mind. "I went to Igen a few days ago… Xanthee's green went up while I was there and Saetyroith caught." There's a bit of tension rolling off Evka know, an extreme bit of discomfort settling in her stomach. She'd minded waking up next to Xanthee much less than she had waking up next to Te'sinar.

Amani gives a slow lift of her head and brows in a silent "ah" of comprehension, her smirk deepening toward Saetyroith before klah-dark eyes come to rest on Evka again. Then the revelation about who the brown's conquest involved is made, and her brows arch high, a bit of color rising to her cheeks. "Oh. Well. That's quite some timing he had," the goldrider notes, and clears her throat a bit. "Is…everything okay between you both?"

Evka belts out an ironic sort of chortle. "Some timing indeed." She rolls her eyes and lifts her head to look out at the water again. Evka swallows before she speaks again, and nods. "Aye, I think Xan and I will be fine. I'm sure she was more worried about finding Malosim than any awkwardness between us. And it should be that way. It was weird…but fine." Mostly fine. Evka's hangups are her own. That thought brings a bit of a pinch to her face. "I am honestly more worried about her being mad I didn't stay to visit." But Evka couldn't handle it, and she couldn't handle her best friend, one of her best friends, being witness to a meltdown. They worry enough.

Amani is, of course, watching Evka carefully throughout the answer given, but can't help laughing a little at the brownrider's last. "It's not as though there isn't plenty of time to make up for that," she points out. "Xan will understand. I can't see her being mad about…that." Though now the goldrider is making a mental note to either visit Igen or invite Xanthee down as soon as possible. "So…are you still feeling weird?" she ventures, noting her friend's discomfort.

Evka gives a heavy shrug. "I dunno." It's about as close to the truth as she can get these days. "I hate flights Amani." She rests her forehead on her needs and scoffs at herself, shaking her head. "And he," she jerks her thumb at her now smug looking brown, "seems to want to make sure I'm stuck in every one he can sniff out." When she lifts her head again, she runs her hands through her hair and drops her knees, leaning back on her arms for support and crossing her legs. "I could go the rest of my life without another partner and it would be too soon. I think Saetyroith has other opinions however."

Amani frowns slightly at Evka's admission, sitting up a bit straighter and folding her legs inward to cross. "So…that's why you've seemed to be going backwards," she notes seriously. "Rev, you took the Candidate's knot and stood on those Sands knowing that this was part of things. What in the world has you hating something that ought to be enjoyable so much that it's changing you into someone who's going to make you both miserable?" Nope, she's not going to pull punches on this one. She could have sworn Evka had worked past all her hangups, enough for her to have offered her friend a white knot. To find out that it wasn't true and that there's suffering going on because of it has her none too happy.

Evka sucks in a sharp breath, lips pursing a bit as she exhales. "I know it's part of the deal, No one ever said I had to like that part of things." The accusation of change is true, and harsh to hear and it makes Evka's chest tight, sets her nerves on edge. No one likes to hear the truth when it hurts. And the truth is she is changing…has changed, different than that person Amani met when they were simply just Reveka and Amania. And those changes have brought an end to most of her hangups. But not all. "Sex ruined my life Amani…ruined it. And, Faranth, I was so stupid. So blind." And the irony of her teasing her friends about pregnancy back then, only to fall pregnant herself, well… it's a hard bite to swallow.

"No, Rev. Sex did not ruin your life," Amani counters firmly, turning to look at Evka squarely. "Your family made you miserable and shamed you over all of that. Things could've been so different if it hadn't been for them. Sex was your choice, and it's never one you should've been ashamed of. A choice that wasn't looked at from all angles first, granted, but it hardly ever seems to be. And if your life had truly been ruined, you wouldn't be here. Try telling that same thing to Saetyroith and see what happens."

Evka flinches, not just in body, but in everything she is, as if the very air around her pinches her inward. Her lower lip trembles and she looks over to her big wine stained brown and tears form. She can't really refute anything Amani says, despite feeling ruined, and broken. Looking away, she blinks, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Maybe you're right, maybe it could have been different. If they had been different. Maybe I'm not ruined in your eyes, or his." She points in Saetyroith's direction. "But that doesn't stop me from panicking the morning after a flight, despite being on the herbs. It doesn't stop me from begging Saetyroith ::between:: a few times just to make sure. It doesn't stop me from feeling shame whenever I might catch the eye of someone I like." And the dam breaks, tears falling. "His turnday was a seven or so ago…" She ends a bit cryptically.

Amani leans forward and takes Evka's hands in hers, squeezing tightly in reassurance. "Is this really about the sex, or is it guilt over him?" she asks gently, knowing she means the son she left behind. "Rev…you need to get unstuck from the past. Things are as they are, and there's no going back to change them. You left him with someone who'll love him…and when you're ready, you can even make yourself known if you want to. But you need to open your eyes now." Time for tough love and simple fact. "You're here and not there. There's no one to look down on you for choosing what feels good for you now. You have people who love you and will stand by you, not to mention Saetyroith. You also know what not to do, and you have to trust in things working as they ought to instead of being afraid of everything. The Evka I've always known isn't a coward, and don't tell me you ran here. It was another choice, and one you needed to make. Now you need to make another one. For yourself and for Saetyroith." A corner of her mouth tugs upward as she gives her friend's hands another squeeze. "I miss the Rev it was so easy to have fun with. Who was the one getting me out of my shell and encouraging me to go have fun with whoever I wanted."

Evka sniffles, wiping tears away before Amani captures her hands. "Maybe a little of both…" She admits when Amani asks about her child. When Amani continues talking there's parts of Evka that resist, despite the majority of her mind knowing Amani is right. There's a bit of humor that breaks through towards the end too, despite Evlka wanting very much to argue. "Hey now, I'm not afraid of everything." Which is both true and not. She looks at Saetyroith, the wine stained brown squaring gazes with her, his eyes whirling. Amani is right. She can't keep holding them both back, she doesn't know how she's going to get past this, but she needs to. Because she's not a coward and parts of her revolt at mention of the word. She gives Amani's hands a squeeze before tugging her own free and wiping at her face with them. "Shells, I haven't got that boring have I?" What's been said is something to ponder and pontificate upon. "I'll try Amani, that's the best I can give you right now." But how does one get over a sex hangup?

"You had better, Rev, because I really don't want to order you to the mindhealer," Amani tells Evka with gentle but firm concern. "It's not the act that's the problem. It's the memory of how people responded to the result of the act." As for the matter of being boring, the goldrider smirks, shaking her head. "I don't think you've actually gotten boring, but you are a lot more reserved," she states. "Like you've buried it to keep yourself safe. But the Zingari, of all people, know that safe is no fun, right?" She gives a wink before scooting over to put an arm around her friend.

Evka shivers. Yeah, the last thing she wants is to be grounded and having to see a mindhealer again. No thanks. "I'm not all that same girl anymore, Amani, and I'd be lying if I were to say that parts of me aren't buried. Some permanently, some just because I'm still figuring out who I am again. I was just getting it when I impressed Sae, and now I am half of him and he is half of me, and I know who we are together." She smiles in Sae's direction. "But not quite who I am outside of that…." She laughs at Amani's last, leaning into the side hug. "Oh aye, we're a most dangerous lot, prone to chaos and adventure." Shaking her head, smile remaining in place, she sighs. "What a mess…"

Amani can only nod to Evka's assertion that she isn't the same, somewhat melancholy. Neither is she, after all. Impression has wrought major changes upon who they were when they first met. "Do you really know fully, though?" she can't help but press. "Saetyroith is clearly not afraid of flights, but you are right now. How will you balance his lust with…whatever this is in you?" That's the question, isn't it? She'll be the one to put it out in the open, then. Amani sighs at Reveka's last, giving her a squeeze. "You've worked your way out of a mess before, Rev. You will this one. And you won't be alone."

Evka can only shrug when faced with the second question Amani presents. "I don't know…" She'll get it figured out, but it's the most honest answer she can give at this point. "Aye, well, this one's a bit trickier than some." She smiles softly at Amani and lays her head on the woman's shoulder. "Thanks."

"Do I need to smack some confidence back into you, girl?" An affectionate and half-hearted threat from Amani at Evka's continued doubtfulness, but that really is one of the most genuinely frustrating things for the goldrider in all this - seeing Evka's confidence shaken when it's always been something she's most admired about her friend. Perhaps they'll go back and forth about it a bit more…or perhaps set it aside for happier things. She rests her head atop Evka's for a bit, staring out at the water. Eventually they'll be done here and head back to the Weyr proper, Amani to the Sands and Evka to wherever she needs to go.