Love and Loneliness - Harper's Tale

Who	Lendai
What	Lendai tries to settle her jumbled emotions but simply makes it worse on herself.
When	There is 1 turn 3 months and 24 days until the 12th pass.
Where	The Queen's Landing, Southern Weyr

The Queen's Landing
Up only a flight or two of steps, Talicanitath's ledge is easily reached from the ground without too much hassle — but high enough that it still overlooks the bowl with a decent view of it's going-ons. It's stony platform is kept tidy and swept, never a lick of dust or a smattered of ice coating it's floor — much at the insistence of the queen living here, of course. In the summer, a variety of plants are allowed to grow off to the side; in the winter, icicles are allowed to drip from an overhang on the weyr's entrance, adding a particular shiny entrance to the elegant lair within. In the cooler months, heavy drapery protects the inner part from the icy weather. It's certainly a large ledge, easily fitting two golds if absolutely necessarily; but, for the most part, it's only visitors are forced to enter and exit a set of steps that leads down to the bowl, and up to more gold ledges above.

Tossing and turning, turning and tossing. No matter how exhausted Lendai might be, the woman cannot get comfortable in her luxurious bed. Late evening turns to very early morning and finally the goldrider gives up and removes herself from the covers. A plush robe is grabbed from near by, thrown over her person as she moves into and through the doorway between ledge and weyr.

Talicanitath still slumbers, deep in sleep. Lendai gives a gentle, loving smile to her dragon, the lightest of touches to the beast's muzzle before she silently pads her bare feet to the edge of her ledge. Though not exactly high up, there is at least a slight view from the goldrider ledges.

So. I love him. There is no freedom in this revelation.

Love him, love him, love him… It echoes in her own mind.

The image of Q'fex is conjured. Lendai mentally drawing his unfairly attractive face. That strong chin, perfect nose, just enough of a 5'oclock shadow. But the most noted feature is his eyes. Those cold, emotionless eyes. Not even anger simmers there for the goldrider.

"Faranth, why him? Anyone but him." She murmurs to the skies above, hoping that maybe the fabled gold will hear her plea. But the night is quiet, not even the wind blowing.

She's done this before, been on this side of unrequited love. True, she was a child, a teenage goldrider in love with the Lord Holder's heir of Ista Weyr. Nicholarin. Her mind whispers. A name from her past. A man long gone even before they jumped forward. She wanted to be his everything, but he always seemed to have someone else he wanted more. Then when he got married, became Lord Holder… still she held out hope. All for naught. For a Lord Holder and a Goldrider are not meant to be.

A tear falls free down Lendai's cheek, soon followed by another, and another. They are swiped away in a rush, a frantic look sent in all directions lest someone see her personal moment of weakness.

Just because you are sad and horny and destined to live a lonely life alone… Q'fex's words have been reverberating in her ears for sevendays now. She's not seen the Weyrleader since that day, avoiding eye contact, leaving any room he walks into. Not because she's ashamed of her actions. No. But because of how right he was.

Lendai takes a deep, long inhale, then letting it out and dropping her arms to her side. Her demeanor wilted. Dejected.

She was lonely. She was sad. And dear, sweet Faranth she felt as horny as a teenage boy having seen his first pair of breasts. Though there is no one willing to cross the Weyrleader to join her in her bed… and truthfully, there is no one else she wants there anyway.

More tears are falling now. The futility of her situation washing over her in shocking clarity. She's stuck. Truly and completely. Q'fex loves Br'er, the sheer possession in his demeanor proved as much. And Br'er? Well… that is still to be determined. Lendai has had very little interaction with the greenrider.

There is nothing I can do. I will love, I will take his hateful words into my heart, and I will pray they harden it back into a black stone of diamond so the hurt no longer affects me.

She's outright sobbing now, the tears cascading down her cheeks so quickly and her own breathy wheezes shocking even herself. Off the ledge, back into the weyr. Just incase there is one other individual awake at such an off hour. Talicanitath stirs just a little, her mental touch brushing Lendai's mind in a reassuring manner before she falls back asleep.

It's enough. Enough to center Lendai. Enough to cease the tears at least for now.

In the morning, she'll figure this out. In the morning… she'll seek out Br'er. Why? She's not even sure why. It just feels like the right thing to do. Maybe… maybe they could be friends. Maybe if she was at least close to someone who was close to Q'fex… it would be enough.

Laying back down in her bed, the Senior Weyrwoman of Southern Weyr hugs a pillow to her chest, gives one final hiccuping cry, before allowing the exhaustion to overtake her and send her into a dreamless sleep.

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